"• stay fit • stay happy • stay fab •"
|
Saying Goodbye
posted on Sunday, 22 September 2013 @ 12:32 | permalink
Hey Guys,*Note* I highlighted, split and categorized the paragraphs so that you guys can read it conveniently Thank You I know that recently I sound really moody and basically really shag either on Twitter, Instagram or when I'm WhatsApp-ing any of you guys and I'm really sorry if I haven't really been my bubbly and bimbotic self, but it really does hurt to know that someone I really truly loved is now gone, and I thank all of my friends for the whatsapp messages and tweets for sending me your condolences and all the messages to stay strong. I do honestly appreciate it. From having some family financial crisis to my birthday to something that happened between my friend and I (which until now I don't really understand what happened) to this, I can honestly say that emotionally, I've in fact reached rock bottom. But I know that after the rain, the rainbows and sun shines will come back again, sound childish, believe me, I know, but it's true so I guess it's alright right? Memories Anyways, thought that I should really post this, sorry if this entry is like super long but I really want to get this off my chest. I'm not sure if this is gonna make much sense to any of you out there but it kinda does for me, or maybe I'm just weird~ #justsaying To be honest, I'm still trying to adjust to the fact that he's gone. I don't know how long it's gonna take to fully recover and I doubt that I'll ever actually "recover" from it. I'm not the type of girl who can really write out some extremely sweet message about how much I miss him and I don't really know how to put it into words but all I can say is that the reason why this hit me really hard is probably cause he was the one that basically raised my younger brother and I (my younger brother and I stayed with him from Sunday night to Friday evening when we were toddlers) and I remember that everyday, he would tie my hair into two braids really tightly and cook the same dishes everyday, porridge, eggs, hotdogs, fish and veggies. Everyday it was those for lunch and up till now, no one has ever cooked the same type of porridge or hotdogs like him. He'd fetch my younger brother and I to school almost everyday (sometimes my uncle Jeremy would) and somehow my younger brother and I would persuade him to either let us play at the playground before heading home or get him to allow us to buy sweets from the mama store or 7-11 around the corner. He'd teach us his version of 'kung fu" Am I the only one? I mean, it came at me so suddenly and even when I was standing in front of his coffin, standing right in front of him, it felt so surreal to me, maybe I was in shock or maybe it haven't officially sunk in to me that he was really gone, but seeing him laying there literally killed me inside, it's like having a huge chunk of your life being torn out of you. I don't know how many of you have ever felt like this am I really the first one to feel this way? What happened on Saturday Anyways, on Saturday, the last day of the funeral, we put my granddad into the lorry or truck along with the coffin and stuff and went off to a temple (I'm a Buddhist) at Bishan, I don't know what it's called but honestly, I've never cried so hard before, we had to push the lorry/truck from the void deck till near the main road and then went to the bus where they'd bring us to the temple, when I got on the bus, my younger brother sat next to me while I was at the window seat, we were both, along with my family crying our eyes out, and when we finally reached the temple, we went toward this corner next to the monastery where they had this place for people to go and do the rituals before burning the bodies. That's when, for the first time, I saw my mum crying hysterically, it really hurt bad to see my mum lose it. We did the rituals in tears and when the metal doors opened as the coffin was pushed in.. that was the final blow. My younger brother and I lost it. He hugged me and the two of us cried like the world has ended.. all the memories, everything. my dad hugged us both trying to maintain his voice telling us "don't cry ok? This is life". After a while we went to see his new "spot" next to grandma's "spot" I've never met her before, she passed away before my mum and dad got married, but from what my mum said, she was a really nice lady, an awesome cook and all, my mum would tell me stories from when my aunts, uncles and her were growing up and how funny she was. But even though I've never met her, I somehow still feel close with her. But I guess she'd be happy, now that my granddad's with her. But still, I miss him. Well, I don't really have anything to say now and it's really "early" now, say close to 3:30am? I'm gonna try to blog soon if possible. Bye guys, thanks for reading, I'm really grateful for all the love & support from everyone. <3
|
Olivia Ong Yu Yuan
  Questions?
ARCHIVES
|